Love- There is nothing more

The Greeks had it right. Love is not just one word, but many. Why do we just have one word for love in the English language? Why is the same word used for the love a teenager has for her crush and the love that is shared between a mother and her child? How does that make any sense?

Years ago, I heard about this, but recently, I listened to a podcast, Demystify Magic, that reminded me of this. In the episode, it talked about five different words for love: eros, philia, storge, pragma, and agape. I would like to add one more: philuatia.

Let's first explore eros. This is the romantic love where there is a loss of self. This often happens when you are in an immature romantic relationship or in a relationship where one or both parties are unaware of themselves or are fearful of losing the other person. I'm sure all of us have been there before. We do whatever the other person wants without thinking about our wants or needs. It can happen at any age, but the loss of self is the key to this kind of love.

Philia is where both parties are equal. This can be friendship or romantic, but this kind of love is a deep loyalty. You know, Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love. No one is over the other; there is no loss of self. The key to this kind of love is mutual respect and loyalty. I love the Dr. Suess quote, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." These are the true ride or die, friends.

Now, this next one is supposed to be something that we all have, but some may or may not be able to show this love. Quite frankly, when you are missing this kind of love, it can take years to recover from this, if you ever recover from this. Storge is a natural instinct, the love a parent has for the child, sibling, and family. This kind of love is what you are born into. This kind of love is not chosen. It can give you stability, but it can also be a dependence. These are long-lasting and nurturing when both parties feel balanced.

One that I feel is so rare is pragma. This is the more mature love that is built over time. It could begin as eros or philia and move into pragma. Pragma is achieved with care, mutual respect, understanding, possibly passion, but this is not necessarily the case in all loves like this. When looking from the outside, this kind of love may appear boring or transactional. If you've seen an older couple that has been married for years and they still want to hold hands, they still enjoy talking to each other, and they still respect each other, you've seen pragma in action. It is a beautiful thing, but oh so rare.

Agape is the act of unconditional love. Agape is selfless, putting others' needs before self. Now, I know what you're saying, "What is the difference between agape and eros?" Agape is selfless but still honors the self. While it is a self-sacrificing love, it is not a way to avoid the self. When someone is being bullied, showing agape love is standing up for them. Agape love is demonstrated when you give up your seat on the bus for an old lady. Agape love is shown when you buy a sandwich for a homeless man. Agape is showing love without expecting anything in return. This is love because it's the right thing to do.

Philautia, I feel, is just as important as agape. However, when philautia is unbalanced, it can be very destructive. Philautia is self-love. When balanced, you show compassion for yourself. You give yourself grace and forgiveness for your shortcomings. When unbalanced, you become self-absorbed or narcissistic.

When have you experienced these kinds of love? Were they balanced? What love are you needing now? What love do you feel is balanced? Can you find a way to improve love?

Know that you are loved unconditionally, no matter how you feel.

You are essential!